


i like it when you call me big papa

by Dresupi



Series: Fool Me Once; Fool Me Twice (April Fool's Crack Smut) [9]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Darcy Lewis is Tony Stark's Daughter, Darcyland April Fool's Smut Challenge, F/M, Hook-Up, Mistaken Identity, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 20:21:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10578783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dresupi/pseuds/Dresupi
Summary: Peter Quill has some time to kill on Terra, and he finds someone to spend it with.Unfortunately, he can't tell her who he is, and she might not be who she seems to be either.Everything gets sorted out eventually, like these things often do.  With a lot of yelling and nudity and half-alien sex.Written for the Darcyland April Fool's Smut Challenge, Day 9: Mistaken Identity.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ehhhh, I'm not sure how cracky this is. I've looked at it so much that it's kind of lost all meaning, so I'm posting it. I _think_ it's cracky. There are TWO cases of mistaken identity here. 
> 
> Read about the Smut Challenge [here](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/157863665183/hey-guys-have-you-ever-wanted-a-reason-to).

“Okay, so listen up, Pete.  Can I call ya Pete?” Tony Stark asked, pausing in his brisk walk to tilt his head quizzically to the side.  “That okay?”  

Peter shrugged.  “Nobody’s ever called me that, but I’ve definitely been called worse.” 

“Awesome.  Okay, so it’s going to be another few days before I can arrange to get you transported upstate to the Avengers facility.  Complete and utter anonymity doesn’t really exist in this day and age and it takes me a couple days to conjure up something that doesn’t exist, you follow?”  

Peter nodded.  He didn’t really follow, because while the advancements on Terra had progressed significantly since he’d left, and they weren’t really up to snuff with intergalactic tech, he certainly hadn’t ever encountered anything like them.  So no, he didn’t know how Tony was going to conjure up something that didn’t exist.  All that he cared about was getting a face to face with Steve Rogers, which Tony promised he’d get for him.  He had the rest of his crew waiting back on his ship, floating somewhere in deep space while they waited for him to get Steve’s assistance with the Infinity Stones.  

It fucking SUCKED, having to wait.  

“You’re gonna have to find a way to entertain yourself in the meantime. Don’t tell anyone your name or who you are.  Make up something.  I’ll send ya down to HR to get an ID badge made, and then you can come meet me back here for briefing.  After that, you can go nuts in the city.”  

“Okay.  Cool.  Yes.  I can do that.”  Any number of possible personas blitzed through his head.  Art Deatheridge.  Gavin Starsong.  Manny Young.  And those were just the bad ones.  

“Awesome…” Tony turned him around and pushed him towards the elevator. 

It all kind of went pretty fast from there.  He exited the elevator and was snapped up by this really cute girl who seemed to be waiting for him.  

Did he say cute?  Cute wasn’t the right word.  But he wasn’t really able to think of a word that could describe her specific kind of beauty.  He probably should though.  If he was going to somehow hook up with her later.  

Tony  _ had _ said he’d need to find a way to entertain himself.  This girl looked like she could use some entertaining too.  And Peter was nothing if not a giver.  

“Tony told me you’d be coming down…need an ID badge?”  she asked brightly.  

He nodded, all semblance of wit completely leaving him momentarily while he stared at her.  Did he mention she was really cute?  She was really cute.  

“I’m Darcy Lewis.  I’m kind of in charge of things down here, so just tell me your  _ name _ ,” she crooked her eyebrow knowingly, “and I can get one of these bad boys cranked out for ya.”  

“I’m uhhh...Peter...Dill?”  he said uncertainly.   _ Peter.  Dill.  What the actual fuck.  Peter Dill.     _

She arched her eyebrow.  “Peter. Dill.”  

“Mmmhmm.  Yep.”  

“Are you sure your name isn’t  _ Dylan Peters _ ?”  

Oh shit.  That  _ was  _ better.  

“You know...you know, it probably is.  I…” he waved his hand.  “I haven’t had my…”  

_ Shit what do they drink down here on Terra?  _ He was certain it wasn’t the ener-gel they had back on Milano, but he couldn’t for the life of him remember what it was called. Certainly not in the presence of this Terran Goddess.    

“Coffee?  Yeah.  I’m the same way, dude.”  She led the way down the corridor, her hips swishing back and forth in her pencil skirt as she walked.  

Her ass was…

Damn.  Her ass  _ was.   _

She ducked into the room at the end of the hall, presumably her office.  She shut the door behind her.  “Look, dude.  You’re gonna have to step it up a little.  Walking around like you’re a fucking stoner might work in L.A, but it’s not gonna cut it here.  You’re gonna get mugged or something.”  

“You know who I--?”  

“I don’t know who you are.  And don’t you tell me.  Because I don’t  _ need _ to know.  All I need to know, is that you’re a guest of my... _ boss _ and you know... how to spell your name.”  

“Oh..uh...D-Y-L-A-N, P-E-T-E-R-S…but they usually call me…”  

He faltered, unable to end with his signature pick up line, because Tony had warned him not to reveal his identity.  And this woman had flat out told him not to tell her who he was.  “Big Papa.”

_ What in the ever-loving fuck…? _

She snort-laughed, typing something on her keyboard while shaking her head.  “Big Papa,” she muttered under her breath. She hit a few keys with a flourish before rolling her chair over to the opposite wall.  She pulled a small card out of a slot and wheeled it back over to him.  “Here ya go, Big Papa.”  

* * *

 

Darcy shouldn’t have said yes when he asked her out.  

Dylan or  _ Big Papa _ , or whatever his name was.  She had a sneaking suspicion it  _ was _ Peter because of his bad attempt to come up with a pseudonym.   

He asked her out and she knew before she opened her mouth that she was going to say yes.  She had to say yes.  Look at him.  He was gorgeous and goofy and pretty much hit all the boxes on her checksheet.  

Her dad wouldn’t have to know.   It wasn’t like this was going to turn into anything serious.  It was lunch.  He wanted to go for lunch.  

What’s the worst that could happen?  

* * *

 

“Oh god…”  Darcy groaned and sank her fingernails into his shoulders.  

Peter (she was right, his name was totally Peter) wrapped one arm around her waist, sliding his hand up under her butt to hold her upright and match the rhythm she’d set.  His cry caught in his throat and she quickly sealed her mouth over his to stifle him.  

She felt her muscles clench him tightly, her thighs burning as she tried to keep up the grueling pace they’d set at the beginning, but was forced to abandon the endeavor as her orgasm took over.  

He thrust up into her a few more times, though, finding his own release and resting his forehead against hers after.  

“So like...is this what ‘going to lunch’ means here? Because I could totally get behind that…” he panted.  

“Here?  Like...as in New York?”  

“Yeah!” he said quickly.  A little too quickly, which she’d have noticed if she was paying attention.  But she was honestly too blissed out to pay much attention to intonation or anything.  

She shrugged and unwrapped his sweaty arms from around her.  “Sometimes.  Yeah.”  She rose up off him, wincing a little when he fell out of her.  She scooted off the bed and made for the bathroom.  “You thirsty?  Hungry?”  Grabbing her robe off the back of the door, she slung it around her shoulders.  “Want a sandwich?”  

“I could eat,” he replied, pulling the condom off with very little grace.  

She arched her eyebrow.  “Bathroom’s in there, you can flush it…”  

“Right…I’ll go do that…”  Peter stood and walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.  

She knotted the sash around her waist and sauntered out of her bedroom, pretty pleased with herself for having a nooner.  It had been a while.  Nooners were fun.  Nice way to spend your lunch hour.  And the rest of the afternoon that you took off after.    

The pleased feeling didn’t last long when she saw her dad lounging at the breakfast bar.  She jumped in surprise.  “Dad?”  

“Oh hey, I hope you don’t mind...I was out of yogurt…” Tony gestured down to the bowl in front of him.  “Why do you buy Greek?  You know I don’t like Greek…”  

She rolled her eyes.  “I didn’t buy it for you.”  

“So...why are you home?  Feeling okay?” he asked.  “Need to go to the doctor?”  

“I’m fine.  Kind of...not alone, but…”  

“OH.  Oh wow.  You’re having  _ lunch _ .  That’s...that’s  _ awesome _ .” He said unconvincingly. “I’m a cool dad.  I don’t care about this at  _ all _ .  Sorry to interrupt, I’ll take my yogurt to go…” He hopped off the stool and was almost to the door when Peter/Dylan decided to walk in, completely naked, ding dong out. Ding Dong out just ding-donging away.  

The Bells of St. Peter popped into her mind for a moment, but then flitted right out when she saw the look on her dad’s face.    

“Heya, babe...you need help with the…” Dylan-but-most-definitely-Peter trailed off when he saw Tony.  “Oh...uh...Hi, Tony…” 

Tony’s mouth fell open.  “What the hell are you doing with him?” He rounded on Darcy.  “You can’t be with  _ him _ !”  

“Whoa.  Back up, Tex.  Reverse.  Rewind.  And stop.” Darcy raised her hand out in front of her, pointing directly at her father.  “You don’t get to tell me who I can be with.”  

“He’s...he’s...one of Steve’s!”  Tony protested.  

That was news to her, but still.  

“I don’t care  _ whose _ he is!  I don’t care if he has super powers.  I don’t care if his super power is turning every cute dog into a bag of dicks, I make the decisions about who I’m with, Dad.”  

“Do you even know his name, Darcy?” Tony protested. 

She shrugged.  “It’s Peter.  Last name’s not important.”  

Tony rounded on Peter.  “YOU were supposed to make up a new name!  And find a way to pass the time.  That ISN’T boning my daughter!”

Darcy groaned.  “Oh. Dad.  Please don’t call it boning.”    

“She put me on the spot!  I’m...she’s cute!” Peter argued.  “YOU are supposed to tell me which girls are your daughter so I won’t sleep with them!  Really, this is on you, man.”  

“Would that have honestly stopped you?” Tony asked, still waving his hands.  

“Probably not, no…” Peter grinned back at Darcy, who blushed.  

“Cover...god, cover yourself…” Tony grabbed a bowl of apples, dumping out the fruit and handing it to Peter to use as a modesty shield.  

Darcy sighed heavily as an apple rolled onto the floor.  It was probably bruised now.  Great.  “Dad...really.  I can take care of myself.  Bye now.”  

“But, Darcy...he’s an alien. From outer space.”  

She turned towards Peter.  “Are you an alien from outer space?”  

“Only half. I was born here.  My mom’s Terran -- I mean, Human.”  

She turned back to Tony.  “Only half alien.  Which.  Doesn’t even matter.  All his junk’s compatible with mine.”  

“OH my god, my ears.  MY EARS!”  

“Take your ears and get out.  Now.”  Pushing Tony out the door, she locked it behind him, his protestations becoming very muffled once she did.  She turned to face Peter.  “You’re one of Steve’s guys?  You didn’t think that was vital info?”  

“You didn’t tell me you were Tony’s daughter.  Plus.  Your last name isn’t even the same.”  

“I was raised by my mom, so I use her last name.  And I don’t make it a point to tell anyone I’m the boss’ daughter.  I’m good at my job and I don’t want people to think I got it by nepotism.”  

Peter shrugged.  “Solid reason...” He held out his free hand.  “Truce?”  

“Depends.  Am I ever going to see you again? Space man?” 

“If it’s within my power.”  

“What’s your power?”  

“I’m Star-Lord.  Intergalactic Thief.”  

“Like...Han Solo?”

He nodded.  “Yeah, actually...I even have my own ship.”  

“What’s it named?”  

“The Milano.”    

She nodded.  “Okay.  Truce.” She took his hand and reached for the bowl covering his crotch.  “I needed this for my apples anyway,” she said with a wink.  “Now help me make some sandwiches, Big Papa.  I’ve got some alien sex to have.”  

He snorted and she thought she even saw a hint of a blush rising in his cheeks.  “It’s only half-alien sex…”      

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/), if that's a thing you do. <3


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